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  • Nicole Virtue

WHAT DOES HEALING REALLY LOOK LIKE?

5 years ago I had awareness around things that I wanted to shift in my life. The truth is I was drowning deeper in shame than I even knew.


Shame is dangerous because it keeps us isolated. I was so ashamed of some of my behaviors I felt like I couldn’t even be fully open with my own therapist. My protective “good girl” mask was running the show.


I was also really good at keeping myself so busy that I never even had to admit the truth. I could just keep numbing it out and suppressing painful emotions that stemmed back into my childhood. And I wasn’t even aware of it. Most of us aren’t. We are on autopilot, running the subconscious programming and coping mechanisms that we developed (for very good reasons) in our younger years.


I was constantly trying to hold a beachball of stress, responsibility, anxiety, and emotions underwater.


My coping mechanisms included quick-fixes like over-indulging with alcohol to get a release, and dating men who were emotionally unavailable (a true reflection of myself.)


Unfortunately these coping strategies were causing more harm than good. I would just go right back into a shame spiral. Lather, rinse, repeat.


After years of staying in my comfort zone (listening to podcasts, being semi-open in talk-therapy) and nothing really changing, I finally decided to invest in myself, for real.


I spent money on things I had never prioritized before. Somatic therapy (getting into my body), Coaching, Inner Child work, Breath-work, Thought-work, Meditation.


I spent time slowing down, paying attention, being more honest, asking for help, listening to myself and my body.


I had never considered myself a spiritual or “woo-woo” person. I never meditated. And guess what? My old way wasn’t working. External fixes are only temporary.


I love sharing how much my life has changed and yet I want to be honest with you all. I am still just beginning this path. I still struggle all the time.


The difference is, my suffering is far less severe, lasts for much shorter lengths of time, and I am MUCH nicer to myself. I live my life with more confidence and less shame. I am gentle and curious when I mess up instead of beating myself up.


I am building evidence in my own life that I am worth it. Every time I am my real self (no mask), every time I am honest, every time I let my emotions be valid, every time I ask for support and really receive it… I am healing.


Doing this deep inner work is a practice. It’s not easy but it does work when we are truly ready.


I am so pumped about my life now. It’s still challenging and scary and messy and HUMAN. And I let myself feel it all. I am learning to love myself. And that has made all the difference.


Healing truths:

  • We go at our own pace and when we are ready.

  • Small shifts and practice over time lead to the “big breakthroughs.”

  • We cannot heal what we are not willing to feel.

  • Change is more sustainable with self-compassion and patience rather than judgement and force.

#coaching #lifecoach #transformation #mentalhealth #healing #growth #change #shame #perfectionism #coping #therapy #innerchild #breathwork #somatichealing #selfcompassion #selflove




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