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  • Writer's pictureNicole Virtue


Updated: Sep 27, 2021

I remember the first time I said something other than ‘I’m fine’…

“Actually, I’m not great.. I don’t even know what to do.”

My friend was shocked. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that,” she reflected.

I learned early on to not be a burden.

Unfortunately that meant I stopped speaking my needs.

A belief that runs deep for me is “I can do everything on my own.”

Oh, my ego loves this story.

It keeps me stuck, deceiving myself and others, “safe” from vulnerability.

But you know what I recently realized?

At every critical changing point in my life there is one common theme. I leaned on support - in one way or another.

When I told my friend I wasn’t fine.

When I told my friend I needed help getting out of a situation.

When I started therapy.

When I opened up with 100 women.

When I was honest.

That time I shared my deepest shame and was met with compassion and understanding.

It is still hard. It is getting easier.

Knowing you want to change and not knowing how can be really lonely.

We all need ONE person that we can be completely honest with. That we can say “I’m not fine” to. That we can share our shame to and be met with love. This is how we heal and change. How we stop hiding parts of ourselves and start believing we are lovable at our core.

Friend, coach, therapist… it only takes one.

Who is your person?

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