Why “The Reparented Self?” (a quick story...)

 

I remember just a few years ago I had awareness around things I wanted to shift in my life but I didn't really know how to create lasting change. I was frustrated and losing hope. 

 

I was gifted a coaching call in 2019 right before the pandemic hit. The combination of the support and the fact that I was ready for it, set me up on a journey I never could have predicted. 

 

I remember my coach asking me on that first call, “What did you crave most from your parents that you didn’t get?” 

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"Consistency" I answered. “It was an emotional rollercoaster. I had to grow up really fast. I was often the one soothing my parents instead of the other way around.” 

 

She then asked me, “How are you inconsistent within yourself now?” 

 

I talked about my tendency to be really hard on myself, to be overly focused on what I “should” be doing, and how I was never good enough. I revealed how I would bottle up my emotions and that I had a lot of shame around ‘self-sabotaging’ behaviors like binge-drinking and over-working. 

 

My coach pointed out that inside of me there is a little girl who is still trying to make sense of her childhood. She's enraged, totally devastated, and very ashamed. This little girl inside needed some tending to and a chance to speak. 

 

By the end of our call I had practiced connecting to ‘little Nicole’ for the first time in my adult life. I made a vow to her to be the kind of parent she needs, to listen to her more, and to practice being consistent. My next step was being present and allowing myself to feel my emotions. 

 

This one call sparked my 3+ year journey to become a loving, consistent parent to myself now. 

 

Of course, I am still a human who struggles, yet the differences are clear: 

 

• I am much nicer to myself. 

• I live my life with more confidence and less shame. 

• I am gentle and curious when I mess up instead of beating myself up. 

• I am better at setting boundaries and speaking up about my needs. 

• I allow my emotions to be valid.

• I have tools to regulate my own nervous system when I feel reactive.

• I ask for support instead of always trying to have it all figured out on my own. 

• I am building evidence in my own life that I am worth it.

 

These internal shifts set the healthy foundation for me to achieve the ‘external’ goals I previously struggled with: 

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• I am in the first truly healthy romantic relationship of my life. 

• I started my own business to be in service to others in a way that feels fulfilling. 

• My relationship with my parents is healing and deepening. 

• My old self-sabotage behaviors are so much less severe.

• I prioritize work-life balance, rest, and play.

 

In my experience, this was only possible through my deep inner work with coaches. It’s why I became a coach and why I am called to offer a gift of 40 coaching calls. 

 

Are you ready for deeply nourishing support?