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  • Writer's pictureNicole Virtue


“I can’t believe I did that. I should have known better. I should have done better. FML.”

Does this sound familiar? Let me be the first to say that it does to me. The voice that likes to berate… the “inner-critic.” This voice is often used as a source of motivation. Perhaps it’s a voice that we heard a lot as a kid. It makes sense. It’s familiar. And it can even lead to action.

HOWEVER, when we rely on criticism as a source of motivation, it keeps us small. It keeps us in our pattern because eventually we cannot stand this relentless voice. We get tired of being berated and our pattern kicks back in… probably a pattern that gives temporary relief… maybe bingeing on something… for me it was the ‘fuck it, I’m drinking tonight’ …but like, the lose-control kind of drinking. And then guess what? It starts all over again. The inner-critic had a night off and is ready to come back full force the next day.

“I can’t believe I did that. I should have known better. I should have done better. FML.”

So what’s the antidote?

For me it looks like accepting that I will always have an inner-critic but that part of me doesn’t get to be in control. I can acknowledge that critic for trying to have my best interests in mind while asserting that this type of motivation isn’t working for me anymore. My critic has a name… Gigi the ‘good girl’ and I have to remind her to chill…A. LOT. Fierce self-love.

Self-love may seem foreign or cheesy… but imagine what you would say to a small child or a good friend. “That sounds really hard, and I love you. What do you need?” Maybe you give yourself rest instead of grinding harder. Maybe you offer yourself forgiveness and acknowledge there’s always tomorrow. Experiment with love and acceptance as a motivator… see what feels more sustainable to you… 🧡💛

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